it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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