I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
