i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
