I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
