I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
