I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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