Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
