AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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