i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
