I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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