I want to make a zoo with you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
