And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
