Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
