so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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