im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
