Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
