That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
