did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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