Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
