i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
