your parents love me but you hate me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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