before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
