I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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