you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
