Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
