I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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