you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
