I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
