I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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