im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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