Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
