i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
