and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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