the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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