I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Say something about gay babies.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize