let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
