you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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