capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
