she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
