Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
