You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
