She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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