gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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