I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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