I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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