'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize