It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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