Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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