He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
