Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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