I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
