he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
