There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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