:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
