so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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