dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was CRYING into my vagina
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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