That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize