I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
