my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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