Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
