Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
