the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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