I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
