what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
