So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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