Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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